I really messed up yesterday. I had a panic attack, which did a necro act on some seriously nasty emotions I had dealt with previously. It caused a relapse and I did not react well. I was able to stop it from becoming a riot. I still ended up keeping my wife up somehow. Probably sleep paralysis or vocalizations of pain. Those extreme, scary attacks only come once in a while. Probably a reaction to all of my recent life changes. Whatever the case, today is miserable. Fuck today. I intend to get a lot done today. Part of changing my self-loathing habits is not comparing myself to others, but comparing myself to myself. As long as I am working better than I did yesterday, and especially better than a month ago, everything is gonna turn out fine. Compound effect.